Avoidant attachment is characterized by discomfort with emotional intimacy, a tendency toward defensive self-sufficiency, and difficulty depending on others or letting others depend on them. The person does not experience the need for attachment as absence, but as a threat to autonomy. Their distance is not coldness, but the learned strategy to avoid rejection through dependency.
Concept origin
Ainsworth (1978) described the avoidant pattern in children with caregivers who systematically rejected expressions of need. Main (1990) identified the adult correlate — "dismissing" attachment — in the AAI. Mikulincer and Shaver have extensively documented the cognitive mechanisms of deactivating the attachment system in avoidant adults.
Therapeutic approach
Therapy with avoidant individuals requires patience with the pace of emotional opening. EFT for couples addresses the demand-withdrawal cycle, reframing avoidant withdrawal as protection, not rejection. AEDP (Fosha) works on blocked affective processing within a gradually safe context.
Related concepts
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