Starting over after a romantic breakup is a psychological process with identifiable phases: initial shock, acute pain, gradual reorganization, and new orientation. Bonanno showed that most people are not "destroyed" by a breakup, but rather transit natural resilience curves.
Concept origin
Bonanno GA. (2004). Loss, trauma, and human resilience. American Psychologist, 59(1), 20-28. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.59.1.20 · Fisher HE. (2016). Broken bonds: What happens when a lover leaves. In The Neurobiology of Love (Ch. 5). Oxford University Press. doi:10.1093/acprof:oso/9780199356815.003.0005
How it manifests
- ▸ Doubt about own capacity to rebuild life
- ▸ Identity linked to "being partner of"
- ▸ Resistance to building new routine without ex-partner
Therapeutic approach
CBT works on normal grief and gradual detachment from the partner identity. Narrative therapy helps rewrite one's own story without reducing it to the breakup. The no-contact rule (except for children logistics) facilitates emotional reorganization.
Related concepts
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