Two tools to use today — no clichés, no sugar
The first shows you where the harshness gets into you, because each face calls for a different adjustment. The second gives you a script to answer your inner voice without cruelty and without turning into a sugary little voice. Neither replaces a professional. Both are free and used right here.
Map of the four faces of harshness
Tick what you recognise from your last two weeks. This is not a validated clinical scale: it is a map to see where the harshness gets into you, because each face calls for a different adjustment.
Tick everything you recognise from your last two weeks:
If almost all of this describes you and it has been weeks, and especially if thoughts of harming yourself or that nothing is worth it appear, do not keep going alone with a tool. The crisis lines are below, answered 24/7 and free. Talking to someone trained matters today, not tomorrow.
Saved locally on this device (nowhere else). Nothing is sent.
Why this works this way: Neff (2003) developed and validated the self-compassion scale: talking to yourself harshly does not make you stronger, it makes you more fragile. And Gilbert and Procter (2006) showed that training a compassionate mind reduces self-criticism and shame. The map is to know which face dominates in you, because they are not all worked the same way.
Inner voice rewriter
Choose the kind of criticism that comes out most and when you will work on it. It gives you back a short five-step script to answer that voice without cruelty and without sugar, today.
Your answer for today
Do it today, once. Do not look to believe it yet: count whether you said it. Every time you answer differently, the old voice loses a little ground.
Saved locally on this device (nowhere else). Nothing is sent.
Why this works this way: Self-compassion is not self-indulgence: Neff (2003) separated it into three components — kindness to yourself, common humanity and mindfulness — and all three can be trained. What changes the inner voice is not arguing with it: it is answering it with the same tone you would use with someone you love.
The tools help you start. If the harshness goes very far back, there is also a door with support:
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